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[anticipations]

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[kirintorn]

[The reassurance of her love was exactly what he needed to hear, and for the first time, Khadgar considered that maybe being in love wasn't what the books he'd read made it sound like. Maybe it was just two people who wanted to be together as much as possible, and wanting that wasn't selfish at all.]

I don't want to leave without you either. As much as I hate this place sometimes, I don't want to go home if I can't take you with me, and knowing you feel the same way makes me feel a lot less terrible. I probably should have said something sooner. I've just been so afraid of messing things up and making you realize you should want someone else. I don't know why I feel like this when all you do is love me. I'm sorry.

[He wrapped his arms around her when she laid down, hugging her tightly like that might somehow give him the confidence he needed to be better at this, but his voice still came out quiet and a little embarrassed.]

You definitely haven't forced me to do anything. I've enjoyed everything you've taught me. It's weird, I feel bad that I don't have as much experience as you, but then I also feel bad when I have those new experiences and like them. And then you make it seem like I'm not doing anything wrong at all, and I don't know why I can't believe you.

[He laughs softly, running his hands through her hair.]

You put up with so much from me, I'm sorry. I love you. I want to be the best partner I can be for you.

[anticipations]

[there's an audible sigh when he says he doesn't want to leave without her as well. It's been one of he few things she's been scared to say aloud, because of how selfish it had sounded for them both to be trapped in this dystopian society together, constantly unaware of what may come next, or what unfair treatment the city might place on the inhabitants. Seemed like they both needed to talk.]

I should have told you how I felt earlier too, about not leaving, about just how much I love you, and how scared I am all the time of losing you to someone else. When you're worried all the time about being enough. I'm worried about being too much. I love you exactly the way you are, and I want us to grow and learn together. Maybe I've done stuff, but not with you. Everything is new, and wonderful through your eyes. I love watching you enjoy it, and listening to you. It makes me enjoy it more.

[she rolls off of him, giving him space now, but keeps him just as close, keeping their bodies connected, tied up together, touching and wound together-- just offering him more freedom, now that he's not panicking.]

I don't put up with anything, I love you. You are you, Khadgar, and that's the only partner I want. You are all I can ever want. [she leans in and kisses him softly, brushing her nose against his after the kiss] You're the most amazing lover, and most wonderful partner I could ever want. I want you with me forever. I don't know what to do without you anymore, and that's okay with me.

[kirintorn]

[Now that the panicking had mostly subsided, the exhaustion he'd been feeling had more room to set in, and he shifted to get comfortable while still keeping his body as entangled with hers as possible.]

How about this? I promise I'll try not to worry that I'm going to lose you to someone with more experience and knowledge, if you try not to worry that you're going to lose me to someone else. There's no one I'd rather try new things with more than you. I love you and... thank you for not being mad at me. I'm still going to leave it up to you whether you'd prefer to have me do the humiliation part or the community service. I'd really, really prefer the second one.

[anticipations]

[Moving the pillows around, Bo made it so that they were fairly comfortable for sleeping in the bed, while being as wound up close to each other as possible tonight. She knew that she was always going to need this type of intimacy from him-- and was glad that he didn't mind offering it to her. A lot of men needed space while they slept. One of the things Khadgar didn't know was how special he was because he hadn't the grace to have slept around. He hadn't been used and rejected, or treated any other way than this, really. He was still learning. Bo just continued to pray that she would always be the one that he would look at first-- even as he got more and more experience.]

I will do my very best, my love. I'm so very lucky to have you. You have no idea just how special you are. I have no reason to be mad at you, and I'd much rather you do community service than need to be humiliated. That's not really my style, unless you really, really wanted it for some reason.

[kirintorn]

[After a lifetime of being told he could never have anything like this, he couldn't imagine saying no to physical intimacy. He'd spent enough time sleeping alone that he wasn't in any hurry to go back to that. He might not have had his heart broken yet, but that meant he had a lot to learn about what relationships should feel like, and he was just grateful Bo had the patience to teach him. The last of his panic and fear had finally subsided, and he smiled as he settled in to sleep.]

Thank you. I know you're going to say no, but I'm also going to pay you back for the fine. I'll just have to sneak the money to you somehow. [He snickered softly, giving her a kiss.] I love you so much. Thank you for listening to me.

[anticipations]

[Perhaps it was a good thing then that his lifetime was merely beginning and that he'd learn earlier rather than later that he could have a love like this and that however long Duplicity lasted his love and best friend would always be there for him and that those words that tore him down and apart weren't true to begin with-- and they wouldn't be true in any future that might come to him.

Bo was glad that Khadgar seemed calmer and that she'd been able to reassure him, and that he wasn't leaving her. She really didn't want to think of having to bear that thought here. It would be one thing to know that he'd gone home, another completely to have to see him and know that he'd moved on, when her heart was still tumbling forever. There was no ending to how much she loved him. Her eyes showed that as she looked over the side of his face lovingly, longingly, just feeling like she could never be close enough to him right now, even all curled up together as they were.]

You know me well. There's no reason. It's our money love. It all goes in the same place. The money you use for things, and what I do. Food money, clothes, it's all the same. I share it all freely. [she shook her head, and laughed at his snicker]... Yoou!! I love you too, you. i'll always be here to listen and do the best I can to give advice, or just hold you.

[kirintorn]

[It was still difficult to understand why Bo cared about him when she could have anyone in the city that she wanted, but her words were finally, at long last, starting to sink in enough that he believed in her devotion. If nothing else, her love made him want to be the best person possible, and that didn't seem like such a bad thing at all. He couldn't imagine leaving her, or wanting to spend his evenings anywhere else than in her bed, in her arms.]

I just want you to know how much I appreciate you. If nothing else, you can set the money aside for the next time I do something stupid here, I'm sure it'll only be a matter of time. I'm sorry for not telling you how worried I was right away. That probably would have made everything easier. At least now I hopefully won't keep you up?

[anticipations]

[Who cared about the city when she had the best man in it right here. Heart bursting to overflowing with love, Bo pulled herself in as close as possible, making sure that she could hear his heart, smell his essence and feel, well, feel everything. He calmed and relaxed her finally-- knowing that the emergency had passed, at least hoping that it had for the evening. Sleep hit her hard, the adrenaline rush from all the stress and worry made her eyes heavy and had her yawning against his shoulder and neck.]

As long as you're sure that everything is okay now. I won't worry any more. I know that you love me as much as I love you. It's okay, we all have fears, and sometimes they get into our head and make it hard to say anything. We'll both do better next time.

[she kissed at his chin and his lips softly.] Sleep?

[kirintorn]

[Khadgar smiled as he settled in, enjoying the blissful feeling of peace. He knew he was the luckiest man around, that he couldn't possibly have asked for a better partner in this place, and his determination to make Bo feel appreciated and loved increased a hundredfold as he relaxed with her.]

Yes, sleep will be good. I love you.